multiversallogs | You've got your reasons

Entry tags:

You've got your reasons

Who: Steph & Kate
What: Confrontations! Sort of.
Where: Steph's place
When: After Kate's talk with Jason
Notes: At some point I'll go a day without posting something and you'll all think I've been kidnapped
Warnings: Talk about death/violence, possibly talk about PTSD, discussions of rape and attempted rape

Steph had been expecting the call from Kate ever since the night they went against the militia and Henry Jennings was killed. It had been obvious, as soon as Steph had said yes against Kate's no, that Kate wasn't pleased. Steph wouldn't be either, if she was against killing the way her friends were, but she's not and she couldn't let Henry Jennings potentially walk away. Helena's vote hadn't surprised her, and neither did Jason's, now that she knows who he is.

It makes her feel responsible, in a way, if she'd said no they would've been divided equally, but she knows that Jason would have done it anyway, regardless of what the rest of them said. At the end of the day, this hasn't bothered her nearly as much as actually killing the other militia agent had. Still. She knows that Kate is upset at her, or maybe she doesn't trust her anymore. Steph has tried to give her space, to let Kate come to her even though it had upset her to have to stay away from Kate, not knowing if things would be okay again.

It means she replies almost instantly to the message, telling Kate to come over whenever she wants. And then she just has to wait.

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There are things Kate wants to ask, but right now isn't the time to poke and prod just for curiosity reasons. Right now, it's time to hold on to Steph because she just feels good here, better than she's felt for a while now.

"What happened to me, to my mom... it's why I do what I do. Because somebody needs to help the people who can't help themselves. Save those who can't." Her voice is softened, not sad, but barely above a whisper as she shares another secret of hers, the one she didn't tell Steph that night on the roof.

"You're doing a good job," Not everyone who gets hurt is able to fight back, and while Steph doesn't blame anyone for not being able to, she's glad that Kate can, and proud of her for doing it so well, "You've saved a lot of people." She can't actually speak for people back in Kate's world, but she's seen her work here and it's enough for Steph t know she must've done a lot there as well.

"I wanted to get my dad out of my mom's life. And then I just liked the thrill of it," she's not ashamed of that reasoning, but it does feel a little selfish when compared to Kate's, "It took me a while to realize I could actually help people."

When she worked out that Gotham needed her, because Batman and Robin couldn't - or wouldn't - save everyone.

"Punching a mugger in the face is good stress relief." Granted, her first act as a vigilante mean saving her sister's wedding from being ruined and then it was an act of defiance, but now Kate does it for much better and less selfish reasons.

But she can't deny sometimes putting an arrow in someone's butt doesn't feel good. Plus when the adults seem too busy to save the world, it's up to her and the gang.

"Tell me about it," it's accompanied by a small smile, "That was the worst part about being pregnant, I couldn't go out and punch criminals. And the father wasn't around so I couldn't take it out on him."

That was not at all the worst part about being pregnant, but hyperbole is useful sometimes, and she's hoping it might make Kate laugh.

Kate snickers a little, enough to make her shoulders shudder against Steph. It's a successs.

"How was it? Being pregnant, I mean." Kate's never given much thought to having kids, but now the idea crosses her mind and it doesn't seem too bad. Danielle Cage is a bucket of cute and the Richards kids are likable. But she has a few more years and a lot to get through before anybody will be calling Kate mommy.

"It was all kinds of bullshit," she says it with a bit of over-dramatic horror, "Honestly, I think the real worst part was dealing with the way everyone looked at me, you know?"

She doesn't think she'll have to explain, there's really only one way people look at a pregnant teenage girl, "I was kinda relieved I didn't have to push her out," Steph that is a terrible choice of phrasing, "Even if it was really fucking scary when I thought something had gone wrong."

Something kind of had gone wrong, but it was solved by a caesarean, and Tim had been there to hold her hand, which made it easier.

"People are assholes sometimes," Kate muses. She doesn't curse much, but when she does, it means she's angry and means every word what she says. No one should judge anybody, especially Steph (and maybe Kate's a little biased now), for her choice. Maybe she was young, yes. Maybe she made a mistake, whatever. Shit happens and people need to make the best of it. Steph has a good heart; Kate would make anybody who thought less of her regret it.

"People are assholes most of the time," it's an important correction, although she says it with amusement. Steph can be kind of bitter, but she generally likes people and tends to blame their shittiness on how they were socialized; like Tim's dad and his discomfort about Steph being poor.

"You ever thought about having kids?" Steph hasn't ever asked anyone else this question, because she can't imagine Cass wanting kids. Maybe Kara would, but Steph isn't sure how cross-breeding between humans and Kryptonians works and hasn't wanted to ask.

Kate shakes her head in response. "Not really. I like kids and they're cute, but I never thought of having my own." Maybe the world's a little too messed up still to bring in another life. There are kids already born who need homes too. There are a variety of reasons that's against kids currently floating in Kate's mind, but there's one main one that brings a hint of red to her cheeks.

"Plus to have kids, I have to... you know." Get over her fear of intimacy.

"I've heard they're messy," Having a kid and raising one are two completely different things, and Steph only has experience with the former. Babysitting for neighbours and taking care of the local kids isn't the same thing, either.

What Kate says makes her frown a little, she hates that this is another thing taken away from Kate by some asshole in a darkk alley, "You've got time. You can work things out at your own pace." She won't say you'll get better because there's nothin wrong with Kate, and Steph wouldn't suggest there is.

A lot of their previous conversations about dating make more sense with this context added, but Steph doesn't feel the need to comment on that.

"Yeah." She knows that there's time and nobody's pressuring her, but Kate feels it would be nice to finally be over that last hump to recovery. The guys have tried to helped, and Eli has helped in his own way, but this is something Kate will have to deal with on her own. Not fix, because she isn't broken, but just deal with.

But there's something that makes her want to, as soon as possible, but she's scared about that for another reason altogether. And with that on her mind, Kate finally pulls back to curl up on the sofa and ask a double-sides question. "How were your dates? I never asked."

It makes Steph grateful that Black Mask never followed through on the threats he made. The physical damage he did makes it hard to be intimate with people, but that's all there is to it.

She's a little disappointed when Kate pulls away, but she lets her go and moves so she's sitting cross-legged, facing Kate with her back against the arm of the couch. At the question, she shrugs, "Pretty average. Alter was nice, and Jay's alright, just a little... timid." It's not necessarily a bad thing, but for someone as extroverted at Steph, it can be a little frustrating.

Well, it's all good with whatever happened with Jay, but Kate's more curious about how things went with Alter. Not that she cares about Alter--she doesn't even know her--but it's pretty dang obvious why Kate's so interested. "But what about Alter? What did you guys do? Will it only be one date?"

Jeez, Kate. Just wave a sign around, why don't you?

Steph raises an eyebrow; Kate is not being particularly subtle and Steph is starting to question things. Steph hasn't thought much about her own views on the matter, mostly because she's been busy trying not to die.

"We went out for breakfast, but I don't think either of us are interested in being anything more than friends," and that's true, Steph doesn't think there was much of a chance of it being anything else than friends hanging out.

But, Steph is curious, so she adds, "I think Kaitlyn might like me a little." She wants to see Kate's reaction to that, even though she's not entirely sure it's true. There was flirting, but that doesn't have to mean anything.

"Who's Kaitlyn?" Kate sounds and looks neutral as she asks, but she wonders how Steph feels about Kaitlyn. If something does work out between them, Kate will just wish them the best. No hard feelings. Not many anyway.

But she's getting ahead of herself. Simmer down, Kate.

"Just a friend," Sometimes neutrality is just as much of a give away as actualyl reacting, and anyway, Steph's curiosity is piqued now, "Why, you jealous?"

She smirks a little. Despite her own feelings on the situation, whatever they are (she'll work it out later), she won't give up an opportunity to teaste Kate.

Oh, so that's how it's going to be. Kate is okay with this. She feels bold enough to answer in the first way that comes to her."Why? Do you want me to be?"

Enjoy those turned tables.

"I asked first," there's a hint of indignation in her voice, but mostly she's just laughing. It might be a little odd to have a conversation like this so soon after they just finished talking about traumatic experiences, but sometimes that's the best time to have these conversations. They're more honest now than they might be other times, and they could both use the distraction.

"And I answered your question. Now answer mine." With a question, but it was an answer regardless. And yes, it's more than a little odd, but if they're going to be fully honest with each other, they might as well just the moment for all it's worth.

While she's waiting for an answer, Kate leans over to steal Steph's now cooled coffee and eyes her over the rim of the plastic cover. This is so very much like chess.

"Another question doesn't count as an answer," she sticks her tongue out at Kate for good measure, to show just how unfair the world is.

"I could just say 'do you want me to want you to be jealous?' and then we'll get stuck in a never ending loop of avoiding answering," Chess is definitely an apt analogy, although they're being a little more childish than chess usually is.

"According to who? Not me, so it's your turn."

Kate takes it a step up and not only sticks her tongue back out, she blows a raspberry while she's at it. "And if you would just answer, we can avoid that loop."

Somehow it's easy to be childish, or rather, act her age around Steph. Sometimes Kate can seem so serious.

"According to the rules I made up right now," she manges to pout and wrinkle her nose at the same time, which kind of just ends up making her face look squished.

Normally Steph is all for honesty and bluntness, but the problem here is that she isn't sure of her answer. She hasn't had time to sit down and work out exactly how she feels about Kate, or even how she feels about other girls. She wonders if things might've been different, if Cass had stayed in Gotham, but thinking about that doesn't actually help. Instead she's stuck in a strange city with a girl she's known for barely two months and they're about to start a war against a police state. Steph feels like there are more appropriate times to have a sexuality crisis.

"What if I don't know?" She comes back to telling the truth, when she doesn't know what else to say.

Well that makes two of them who aren't sure of what to say. Kate was hoping Steph would say something to lead her on, so she wouldn't be the first one to say something and have it fall flat. Kate hasn't been in the mood to sit down and think about dating period, much less with a girl, except for the time she drilled Billy and Teddy about same-sex relationships. She planned on waiting (until the end of time, preferably) to do something about it, but life has decided to shove itself in between everything else.

"Then you don't know, I guess," she answers with a shrug, not quite sure if she's disappointed or relieved Steph didn't give her a straight answer. Looking at Steph has suddenly become hard to do; maybe there's a little embarrassment in Kate's face that she doesn't want Steph to notice. Besides, what does she have to offer Steph even if she did like her in that way? Steph is a lot more experienced than her and while it's easy for people to say that Kate has time until she's ready, even Kate knows that sometimes, that's not exactly true.

Steph is frowning slightly as she watches Kate, as if this is some big puzzle and once the last piece is in place everything will make sense. But she knows it doesn't really work like that. She's going to have to actually put serious thought into this, and probably discuss it properly with Kate, without dancing around the subject like they are now.

But she doesn't know what to say to dissipate the awkwardness that seems to inflitrate the room, so she decides to stick with humour and maybe a little bit of self-deprecation, "Life was easier when relationships lasted one night and were with the first boy at the party to say I looked good."

That conversation probably won't happen for a long while and rightfully so. They have bigger problems on their plates and none of those have to do with whether or not their hugs should mean a little more than they do now.

"That's not a relationship. That's a booty call." As if Kate would know exactly how that goes. But she's snickering anyway, sipping at the rest of the coffee.

You've got your reasons

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