multiversallogs | You've got your reasons

Entry tags:

You've got your reasons

Who: Steph & Kate
What: Confrontations! Sort of.
Where: Steph's place
When: After Kate's talk with Jason
Notes: At some point I'll go a day without posting something and you'll all think I've been kidnapped
Warnings: Talk about death/violence, possibly talk about PTSD, discussions of rape and attempted rape

Steph had been expecting the call from Kate ever since the night they went against the militia and Henry Jennings was killed. It had been obvious, as soon as Steph had said yes against Kate's no, that Kate wasn't pleased. Steph wouldn't be either, if she was against killing the way her friends were, but she's not and she couldn't let Henry Jennings potentially walk away. Helena's vote hadn't surprised her, and neither did Jason's, now that she knows who he is.

It makes her feel responsible, in a way, if she'd said no they would've been divided equally, but she knows that Jason would have done it anyway, regardless of what the rest of them said. At the end of the day, this hasn't bothered her nearly as much as actually killing the other militia agent had. Still. She knows that Kate is upset at her, or maybe she doesn't trust her anymore. Steph has tried to give her space, to let Kate come to her even though it had upset her to have to stay away from Kate, not knowing if things would be okay again.

It means she replies almost instantly to the message, telling Kate to come over whenever she wants. And then she just has to wait.

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"Another question doesn't count as an answer," she sticks her tongue out at Kate for good measure, to show just how unfair the world is.

"I could just say 'do you want me to want you to be jealous?' and then we'll get stuck in a never ending loop of avoiding answering," Chess is definitely an apt analogy, although they're being a little more childish than chess usually is.

"According to who? Not me, so it's your turn."

Kate takes it a step up and not only sticks her tongue back out, she blows a raspberry while she's at it. "And if you would just answer, we can avoid that loop."

Somehow it's easy to be childish, or rather, act her age around Steph. Sometimes Kate can seem so serious.

"According to the rules I made up right now," she manges to pout and wrinkle her nose at the same time, which kind of just ends up making her face look squished.

Normally Steph is all for honesty and bluntness, but the problem here is that she isn't sure of her answer. She hasn't had time to sit down and work out exactly how she feels about Kate, or even how she feels about other girls. She wonders if things might've been different, if Cass had stayed in Gotham, but thinking about that doesn't actually help. Instead she's stuck in a strange city with a girl she's known for barely two months and they're about to start a war against a police state. Steph feels like there are more appropriate times to have a sexuality crisis.

"What if I don't know?" She comes back to telling the truth, when she doesn't know what else to say.

Well that makes two of them who aren't sure of what to say. Kate was hoping Steph would say something to lead her on, so she wouldn't be the first one to say something and have it fall flat. Kate hasn't been in the mood to sit down and think about dating period, much less with a girl, except for the time she drilled Billy and Teddy about same-sex relationships. She planned on waiting (until the end of time, preferably) to do something about it, but life has decided to shove itself in between everything else.

"Then you don't know, I guess," she answers with a shrug, not quite sure if she's disappointed or relieved Steph didn't give her a straight answer. Looking at Steph has suddenly become hard to do; maybe there's a little embarrassment in Kate's face that she doesn't want Steph to notice. Besides, what does she have to offer Steph even if she did like her in that way? Steph is a lot more experienced than her and while it's easy for people to say that Kate has time until she's ready, even Kate knows that sometimes, that's not exactly true.

Steph is frowning slightly as she watches Kate, as if this is some big puzzle and once the last piece is in place everything will make sense. But she knows it doesn't really work like that. She's going to have to actually put serious thought into this, and probably discuss it properly with Kate, without dancing around the subject like they are now.

But she doesn't know what to say to dissipate the awkwardness that seems to inflitrate the room, so she decides to stick with humour and maybe a little bit of self-deprecation, "Life was easier when relationships lasted one night and were with the first boy at the party to say I looked good."

That conversation probably won't happen for a long while and rightfully so. They have bigger problems on their plates and none of those have to do with whether or not their hugs should mean a little more than they do now.

"That's not a relationship. That's a booty call." As if Kate would know exactly how that goes. But she's snickering anyway, sipping at the rest of the coffee.

"I think 'one night stand' is the correct term. Booty call implies I knew their names," which she did sometimes, but not all the time.

She makes a face at Kate drinking the coffee, "Isn't that cold by now? I can make you a new one if you want." Cold coffee is awful, and Steph feels bad that Kate is drinking it.

Kate frowns at that concept, the not knowing boys' names when you are sleeping with them, but she doesn't say anything outloud about it. It's Steph's body; she can so as she wants. But it's nothing Kate could ever do.

"I just needed something to do with my hands," she admits with a sheepishlook crossing her face. "I knew it would end up being awkward somewhere along the line."

"Things tend to get awkward when you're discussing morals," she'll admit that, although she's hesitant to get too close to that conversation again; they've reached a compromise and Steph desn't want to drag it up, "At least we didn't do this while I was trying to strangle my dad with a length of chain."

Steph has the best stories. She's also really bad at telling what things are appropriate to make jokes out of.

Well. Kate just stares at Steph for a many long seconds before cracking into a smile. "Sometimes I want to strangle mine too."

One ill-made joke for another?

"I'd recommend it, it's very cathartic," what were they saying about having issues and being fucked up?

"Baedal stole my recent chance to beat the crap outta him, which is pretty disappointing," Mostly because there had been a lot of questions Steph had wanted to ask; things that had come up since he had faked his death. Apparently that sort of thing runs in the family.

That they both clearly are and it's pretty sad how they have to laugh or they'll cry constantly.

Kate smiles flatly, absentmindedly reaching up to her shoulder to twirl her hair where it used to lay. She's still getting used to the new length. "Maybe you'll get the luck of him showing up." Whether that's good or bad luck is left up to Steph to decide.

Edited 2012-03-02 10:38 (UTC)

"Oh god," she gives a shaky laugh and buries her face in her hands, because that would be the worst thing ever and she'd have to run into the fog, "He'd think this was a great opportunity to patch things up." There's obvious mocking in her voice. They'll never be able to patch things up and her dad is a deluded for thinking they can.

"But it would be a great opportunity to get what you need to do done." Kate's tone is unnaturally flat and chilly, like it's not even her saying the words. There's a large amount of depersonalization there, only for Steph's benefit. It's like she's saying 'Go as far as you need to" without actually forming the words.

Things are easier this way, this false way of not taking responsibility for what you suggest.

It takes a moment for Steph to realze what Kate is saying, and then she looks up, eyes a little wide with surprise, before she shakes her head.

"I don't think I could," She wanted to, once, back when all she could feel for her dad was anger. Now she just pities him, and she couldn't bring herself to kill someone she pities. And he's not like the militia agents here; jail can hold her dad.

"But if you wanted to..." She will be here to pick up the pieces, to tuck them away in a place nobody else but the two of them will know about, to dole out the hugs.

Morals, when it comes to friends, are flexible and tones of grey.

Steph is lost for words, because she can hear what Kaet isn't saying and it means so much in ways she can't articulate.

"When I thought he was dead, it was such a relief," not at first, because at first she'd been so angry and confused, but the relief eventually settled in, "I wish he really had been dead. Or I wish he'd never come back to Gotham."

She wishes he hadn't come back to her city and killed people just to get her attention.

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