multiversallogs | truly the start of a glorious relationship of ... some kind

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truly the start of a glorious relationship of ... some kind

Who: TOMMY SPEEDSTER MCBUTTFACE & JOHN ASSHOLE PYROBRO
What: a public opinion poll for the Samizdat newspaper
Where: Aspic bazaar
When: mid-morning to afternoon w/e
Notes: jerks (or if you really want your character to give their opinion to John, you can tag in!)
Warnings: jerks

If this is some kind of hazing ritual, John supposes it could be worse. It's only to be expected that the poorly paid new hire is the one who has to make the coffee and fetch lunch and conduct word on the street type surveys. Fine. He can deal with that. Aspic's bazaar is busy as fuck and no one really wants to talk to a scrubby dude with a clipboard, but he's managed to wrangle a few opinions out of people. So far, in a revolutionary turn of events, most everyone is against people dying. He's not exactly a journalist major but he's pretty sure the guys back at Samizdat would prefer reading something a bit less diplomatic. Maybe not something really inflammatory. It's just going to be a bar graph to accompany an article or whatever.

"Hi, I'm with Samizdat, what's your —" That's generally about as far as he gets with most people, who just want to get their shopping done. The rest of it is supposed to be "— opinion on the vampire sitaution?"

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Tommy see the poor loser trying to do interviews for the paper a couple times as he zips through the city doing shopping (hey, a guy's gotta have clothes and if he left it up to Billy, he'd be running around in suspenders and bowties or something all day every day). The guy looks pretty sad, calling out to people and mostly being ignored. His situation calls to something in Tommy. Not quite his sense of compassion, but... ah yes. His need to troll.

He zips over and stands behind the guy, replying just as he asks his question for the umpteenth time that day.

"Dunno. Way I see it, people gotta eat what people gotta eat. Some people eat tofu, other people eat blood."

"Yeah, that's. Cool, I guess, except all the blood currently available for their consumption flows through living people's veins, unlike tofu." This is not really part of the questionnaire script but John can tell this smartass is just here for sassin', so he'll give as good as he gets. "That, I think, is the whole issue here. Just to bring you up to speed."

Tommy's voice is vaguely familiar, but he's irritable and he's been talking to people for hours, so it may take a while for him to make the connection.

"People donate blood all the time for people who need it. Just because these people need it for eating instead of other things doesn't seem like a big deal to me."

Tommy shrugs and manages to look like a total douche with his lazy smile and his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Mutants gotta eat, right?"

He still hasn't picked up on the local "xenian" lingo thing yet. Why bother getting new words when most people around (aka: people from his universe) get what he's talking about?

John struggles to respond for a moment because there are two things going on here. He almost sputters but instead just gives Tommy an incredulous are you trolling me (the answer is yes, John) look.

"Okay, one: the blood isn't the fucking problem, the problem is that there's not enough donated blood going around. The stores have mysteriously dried up, and vampires are starving and attacking people, that's the problem. Do you read papers? Listen to news? Anything? Two: mutants? Really? I mean, yeah, definite parallel but I don't think all of them get vampirism from the x-gene."

"Reading sucks and the news is depressing. And people like you pretty much tell me what I need to know as I go on."

It sound worse when you don't know that Tommy listens to hundreds of conversations a day as he does his patrol.

"And, uh, yeah, most mutants don't have to suck blood, but there's enough, right? I mean, how else do you think they fuel their freaky powers? 'Cause it sure isn't by dancing naked under the moonlight and praying to the elder gods."

Although that? That would be super cool, now that Tommy thinks about it.

"Wh...at." Seriously, Tommy, you lost him at the 'fueling of their freaky powers'. But then he starts to roll with it. "Speak for yourself, man."

"Uh, that's what I'm doing?" Smirkity smirk in John's direction. God, but Tommy loves being a troll. "Unless you think I'm actually a telepath using some poor moron's body as a meat puppet. Which I'm not, by the way. Ain't no telepath gonna take over this guy."

At least, he's pretty sure that's the case. Billy would have noticed if there were a telepath in him, though, right?

Of course.

His eyebrows have practically hit his hairline several times already during this conversation, but he's imagining the Cuckoo's probable reaction to a declaration like that.

"And why's that? Too much porn in there?"

"Nah. I'm just that good."

He pauses for effect, then tucks his thumbs into his pockets and struts like the player he ~~thinks he~~ is.

"Lots of porny memories too, though. Loooooooooots."

"Right, I see. So your mutation is... what, being fucking awesome? And perfect porn recall? I know a dude you should meet. He's into girls who put dead animals down their pants."

Yeah, John's just going to cap that pen and tuck the clipboard under one arm. This is far from brilliant conversation, but it's way better than polling jerks.

"The first one." And to prove it, Tommy zips around behind John and is back where he was standing in half a blink, holding John's clipboard and doodling on it.

"Also? Dead animals in pants? Ew." Because he's actually already forgotten about most of that conversation.

He opens his mouth, then shuts it. The fact is, Tommy was so fast that probably not many people noticed that. And it's debatable how many people in Baedal care as much as people back in his world would. Like yeah, it matters, but they wouldn't flip out.

"Would you —" John gives up on telling Tommy to quit doodling almost before the words are out of his mouth. That is clearly not going to work with this guy. "You know what, never mind. Who cares. So you're a mutant. You one of the 'kids' Remy talked about?"

And if they'd flipped out, Tommy would have just zipped out of there. Speed his really useful when you want to dodge the consequences of your actions.

"Nope." He says that without even understanding what John is asking him to stop. "And I'm the best mutant. Except maybe Mom, but that's because she's Mom."

Moms are always the best. Full stop.

Tommy gets a guarded expression on his face when he processes that John knows Remy, and purses his lips. On one hand, John might be a friend. On the other hand, Remy might be trying to get rid of him and Billy without Wanda knowing so that he could have her to himself again. It's not like Tommy knows him well enough yet to know for sure.

"That depends, I guess. Which kids did he mention?"

Since he is by default the 'mature' one, John expectantly holds his hand out for the clipboard.

"He didn't. He just said there were some people from his universe, and since I'm not from his, I wouldn't know them. You. Whatever. Great. I need that back. For work. So they don't fire my ass."

Tommy chews on the end of the pen for a moment, considering, then hands it and the clipboard back with a dramatic flourish.

"Fiiiiine. If it's for work and stuff."

He taps his lip, then frowns, mind making several rather odd connections as it leaps through some rather strange assumptions.

"Hey, so if he was talking to you, you're from a place with mutants too?"

Damnit, Tommy, John chewed on that pen. But he's not going to say anything about it, he just takes them back. And tries to remember not to chew anymore.

"Yeah." He says it short and brusque to indicate he's not interested in answering too many more questions, though he doubts Tommy is going to respect that.

It's okay, John. It's not homo if it's only an indirect kiss. Promise.

"So are you a mutant?" Tommy leans into John's personal space as he asks, grinning wide as if he'd just asked about John's underwear preferences, rather than about his powers.

John frowns at Tommy and uses the clipboard to try and push Tommy back to a proper distance. It may not have been homo before but it's getting there now. PUUUUSH.

"Yeah." Again, he doesn't sound particularly communicative.

"Aw c'mon man. I showed you mine." Tommy folds his arms over his chest and doesn't glower as much as he pouts. But if you asked him he'd say that he was totally glowering. Darkly.

"It's only fair if you show me yours."

Huff huff huff.

"Seriously, could you say that any louder." John doesn't really care, he just feels that needs to be said. "And I'm not doing it here. Nor am I going anywhere private with you. So you'll just have to deal. I have to go see if I still have a job."

With that, he attempts to leave. SERIOUSLY, GAMBIT, WHY DID YOU NOT WARN HIM...

Tommy sighs and lets John go... for about ten seconds. At that point, he catches up with him, because speed is useful for that sort of thing.

"So you do know that I'm stubborn and fast, right? Because put together that means that you pretty much won't get rid of me until I decide I'm bored."

Which he won't be because John's frustrated faces are the best.

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truly the start of a glorious relationship of ... some kind

I'M SORRY LIVEJOURNAL DIDN'T NOTIFY ME THIS LOG WAS UP AS;LDJFLSAKJFDLAKJ;DLFKJ

LMAO IS FINE I completely forgot to tell or remind you

derpderpderp

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