multiversallogs | i could have made a joke about leperechauns and rainbows but i didn't

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i could have made a joke about leperechauns and rainbows but i didn't

Who: Tommy Shepherd, Billy Kaplan and possibly other members of the household after
What: Tommy being an idiot, Billy being a different kind of idiot and then both of them being idiots together.
Where: Their house
When: Let's say Friday afternoon
Warnings: Tommy and Billy's idiocy will eventually involve a lot of blood, although no one will be getting injured (it's magical~~ly delicious~~)

When he'd figured out the problem with the blood supply and crurovores going hungry, Tommy registered two things. One, people were willing to pay for blood. Two, he wanted some emergency money and he had blood. Even better, he was a speedster, so he had more blood than normal, right? With that thought in mind, it didn't take long for him to zip through the city and scout out all the places where he could get money for his 'donations' and to collect a sizable amount of cash.

So Tommy was feeling pretty satisfied when he stepped through the door of the house. Well, at least, he was feeling light on his feet. Or maybe he was just light-headed? Maybe he shouldn't have stopped at that last clinic...

He managed to figure out exactly what was going on when he tried going up the stairs to his room. Halfway up, his vision went white. Instinct pushed him into flopping forward instead of tumbling back down the stairs, but even with the adrenaline rush in him, he realized that finishing the stairs just wasn't going to happen.

"Craaaaap."

Tommy let his head rest on the cool step and closed his eyes, sighing. This was so uncool.

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Now, it was really physically impossible for Billy to correctly identify just who was falling over on the stairs simply by the noise they made, especially since he wasn't paying full attention until the kind of crashing-thumping noise jogged him out of his daydream. But he just had this all too familiar sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that it was Tommy, and he'd done something stupid, and then there was the sigh and yes, that was definitely Tommy sighing. Falling over on the stairs and sighing.

Billy hopped up and ran out to check just what was going on. "Tommy! What happened?" He hopes Tommy appreciates his generosity in not saying what have done now?, since that would be equally valid. He's tipped towards what he actually says, though, by how pale his twin looks.

Tommy starts to raise his head to look up at Billy, but then the world starts spinning and, well. That was obviously a bad idea. He lets it fall, cheek pressed up against the cool comfort of the step.

"Billyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy," he mumble-whines as he lies helplessly on the stairs, "my speedsterness is failing meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

A teenager of Tommy's age shouldn't be able to pout with such pathetic limpness, but somehow he manages.

Oh, for crying out loud. Billy crouches by Tommy and pokes him in the shoulder. He doesn't seem to be bleeding anywhere, he's just... complaining, and not moving. And okay, complaining is normal, but the not moving part is kind of worrying when it comes to Tommy.

"Any idea why it's failing?"

He's trying so hard not to blame it on Tommy himself, really.

Tommy makes a grumpy little sound when Billy pokes him.

"No," he says, but after a beat of feeling Billy's stare burn through the back of his head he adds, "... yeeeees a little. People were paying for blood and I'm a speedster and whatever that'snotimportantIthinkIgavetoomuchandnowIfeelbad."

He's trying to put on a show of being mostly okay, but the slow increase in the speed of his babble indicates that he's not quite in control.

Tommy's life is just a continuous cycle of woops.

"..." He's just going to stare at Tommy for a moment in mild disbelief and try not to flip out immediately.

"You do realise that just because you're a speedster, that doesn't mean you have a healing factor like Wolverine, right? I mean - how much blood did you even donate?"

For money, mind you. Because of course his stupid mercenary twin brother would go and nearly bleed himself dry for a paycheck, not out of the kindness of his heart.

"... I feel like you're judging me. Stop being a judgey judger person." Tommy flails his fist weakly in Billy's general direction. "I was gonna use it to help pay for stuff so Mom doesn't have to."

If he were more self-conscious of himself, Tommy wouldn't have admitted that. As it is, he'll deny it later if questioned because he is a MAN and therefore he is MANLY and manly men don't have SOFT FLUFFY FEELINGS.

"And um... a lot. I guess."

Billy raises an eyebrow at that... outburst. He's pretty sure that people can get kind of loopy when they've lost a lot of blood, and apparently Tommy is no exception - although he's less lost the blood and more given it up without thinking to limit himself like a normal person.

"I am. I am judging you right now. Come on, let's get you inside. Ally oop." He shakes his head and moves to heft Tommy up to his feet, slinging one of Tommy's arms over his shoulder so he can support his twin.

"For the record, it's a nice idea to get money while helping out, but in future you should exercise some moderation. You can't just magically regenerate your blood."

Tommy stands as best he can, but he's leaning heavily on Billy's shoulder as they move into the house. Still, he somehow finds the energy to mutter darkly at him as they go.

"You suck and you shouldn't be judging because I know where you sleep and I can totally judge you. All the time. While you're sleeping."

He really isn't thinking about what he's saying before it comes out of his mouth. The words are just falling from his lips like some uncontrollable waterfall of babble and nonsense.

"Moderation is for wusses. And of course it'll magically regenerate. I'm fast so... so everything goes back to okay fast."

Tommy tips his head a little so he can look Billy in the eye. When his bangs fall out of his face, it's more obvious that his expression is starting to get worried.

"It'll be okay, right?"

"If you judge me while I'm sleeping I won't be able to tell, therefore, you can judge me all you want. When I'm asleep."

Billy is not entirely sure that the babbling is good, but it's probably good that Tommy is still talking, even if it is leaning towards nonsensical. Better that than totally passed out, right? Although he should probably get some rest once he's safely inside... was sweet tea just for shock or was it good for blood loss? He can't remember. But the sugar's got to be good, right, they give you cookies after you donate blood because of that...

"I'm sure it'll be okay." Given the worried look on Tommy's face, he actually tries to sound reassuring instead of wry for a moment. "You just need to rest and hope Mom doesn't flip out too badly."

Way to be reassuring, Billy.

"But what if my judgement includes markers and stuff? I could draw things on your face all C-MINUSSSS or something."

Tommy talking is only somewhat better than passed out, yes, but it's obvious he's not doing well because the quality of what he's saying is significantly less understandable than usual, both in content and enunciation.

"Well if you're sure, then that's okay. Except you didn't say it blue, so maybe it won't be oh shit Mom."

Wide-eyed, Tommy grabs for Billy's shirt and pulls him down until their faces are almost touching. "Don't tell Mom, oh fuck, she'll be so mad."

"Don't even start a marker war with me, Tommy. I can magic marker stuff all over your face that won't wash off. It'll sparkle." Because he's exactly that mature, yes.

And whoa oops maybe that wasn't the best thing to say while Tommy is freaking himself out and loopy from blood loss. He just hopes he doesn't accidentally kick-start a super speed panic attack somehow, because that's bound to get messy.

"You can't not tell her, she's going to notice that something's up. Would you rather tell her you got overly generous with your blood for a good cause and the money, or try lying to her?"

"Lie." There isn't even a pause between the end of Billy's question and Tommy's response. "Totally not telling her what happened. Plus..."

Tommy's eyes narrow and he grins. This is probably even scarier because he never let go of Billy's collar, so said grin is about two inches away from Billy's face.

"Pluuuuus, if you magic me better, she'll never have to know at all."

"Uh." Yeah that's just a little bit unnerving, the way Tommy's grins always are but in super close up, which just makes it worse.

"Have you seen me try to magic people better? I mean, it usually doesn't work that well." Okay so the two main examples there were Skrulls, and in kind of bad shape already, and this is just replacing a little blood, enough to make sure Tommy isn't too loopy or passing out, so it should be... easier, right? But still.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Well. Yeah. But that was a while ago, right? Plus, also on Skrulls who are not me."

Tommy ducks his head into Billy's shoulder and leans just a little bit more into him, nudging at him much like an insistent kitten might.

"You could just try it, right? It wouldn't hurt anything..."

"Well, yeah, it was... a while ago. And Skrulls are kind of - different. Anatomically. In some regards." And in other regards they're just fine, thank you, he's not talking about that.

And he's only putting up with this because Tommy is technically an invalid right now, seriously.

"I guess I could try. But if it doesn't work, we are so telling Wanda, okay? I bet she'll fuss over you after she's done with the scolding. Hot chicken soup - or uh, what's high in iron... spinach?"

"Yeah, that's all I need to know about Skrull anatomy. Unless you wanna start telling me sexy bedtime stories, but that's a little weird so don't, okay?"

But even though Tommy doesn't like the thought of bedtime porn, he smiles into Billy's shoulder because he's totally won Billy over. Because Billy is a softie and will always bend to Tommy's will... at least, that's what Tommy believes.

"Yeah, sure, whatever, let's do magic now before Mom comes home and tries to feed me soup or something."

"No let's - not go there. I am very, very okay with not going there." He holds up a hand in defeat - while he might take some amusement from trolling Tommy with his love life sometimes, this is not one of those times, and it kind of loses the amusement factor when Teddy isn't there to share in the joke, anyway.

... Oops, he gave himself a sad, thinking of Teddy.

So, quickly glossing over that - "Sit down and try to stay still." Asking for the impossible, maybe, but then again, Tommy is already kind of... lolloping around. Like a very demanding kitten.

And he doesn't want to accidentally turn his twin into a cat, so he tries to banish that image and focuses on healing, and blood, and making Tommy better. "I want Tommy to heal I want Tommy to heal I want Tommy to heal and get his blood back..."

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i could have made a joke about leperechauns and rainbows but i didn't

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