one of those bells that now and then rings [closed]

[deservesadaisy]

Who: Ivan and Ilde
What: romantic evening in
Where: Ivan's flat
When: Givdi evening
Notes: No one but them thinks this is remotely a good idea.
Warnings: TBA as necessary

It wasn't surprising, that Ilde was tense. Mothers-to-be, especially for the first time, often were with much less reason. But, while their eventually future was still something that was a bit murky (and that caused Daniil to sigh in despair whenever it was alluded to), Ivan felt he could help with the stress eating at her here and now.

He hadn't said much except to arrange her clearing her evening and letting her know what time to come to his flat. He'd bought the dinner; he could cook, but was out of the habit. He'd also bought some fae wine for her, and gone to the trouble of a tasteful flower arrangement and candles. It was, he thought, a bit of a cliche but he hoped she would like it all the same. He was, of course, impeccable, but that might or might not have been for the occasion - any earlier feeding showed only in his flush of health, not in any rogue spots on his collar. He'd set it all out on the floor, with cushions for them, and it had a bit of a bohemian air to keep it from being taken too extremely seriously.

Overall, he thought as he surveyed his work, it would do. And she needed an evening off.

Comments

[rhinemaid]

“Well, that's true, I could think of people.” Best girlfriend. “But I happen to like the way you look, you know, among other salient features. Although, that might be narcissism,” as she shifts a little so she can better examine him, giving it all due consideration. “Because if you squint we look a little bit like we could be related.”

And yet that's still not the most troubling aspect of their relationship.

[deservesadaisy]

"We'll hope no one is squinting," he says, amused. "I am glad you find me attractive, regardless of my faults, it's very generous of you."

Now he's just teasing her.

[rhinemaid]

“I have to say, Ivan, that of the many things you are to me, 'charity fuck' is not one of them,” she says, earnestly, shining guileless sincerity from every pore. If she wasn't slightly perverse in her displays of affection, he'd no longer know what to do with himself, probably. “Probably,” with studied nonchalance, “because of how I love you.”

She could probably have come up with a less romantic way of pipping him at the post with the l word, but she'd have had to put real thought into it.

[deservesadaisy]

He's surprised, but not as much as he could have been. It feels like a turning point in the truest sense - from here, they should fish or cut bait, and it seems like she's long ago made her choice.

So he says, "I love you too," as if they've been saying it to one another for years, as if it's the only natural response. It's why he took her dog, when she was gone. It's why he's willing to try this, even with her pregnant. Acting a bit mad is preferable to losing her. And that, on some level, is that.

[rhinemaid]

It might not be the smart choice and it's certainly not the convenient choice, but it is Ilde's choice and she's not going to let go of it in a hurry. She realized a little while ago that they've been together more than a year, not counting the time she spent in New York convinced that she'd never see him again - she remembers smothering how much she'd hated the idea he wouldn't ever know that she loved him. Convincing herself that if she were with him again, then she'd tell him immediately, because he should know, and then she...hadn't, because studied nonchalance is the most natural way she can manage those words that do not, in fact, come anywhere near as naturally to her as they seem to do for him. It's never going to be something she drops casually into conversation on a day to day basis, but it's there, now, and however unwisely true.

There's something very satisfying to her about his lack of hesitation.

“Well, good, because you give excellent head and I don't have any intention of sharing-” Ilde.

[deservesadaisy]

He laughs and kisses her lightly. "I'm glad to hear I've given no cause for complaint." At least in that particular area. "You don't have to share me."

[rhinemaid]

“Good, because I wouldn't, I'd make you castrate yourself, it'd be terrible and messy and not even a little bit fun-” and that's an alarmingly earnest bit of feelingsbabble, but for all her quietness she is not a creature that loves gently or wisely. She lacks the knack for it, replaced instead by private wish that she could stitch her name into the inside of someone else's skin.

A moment later, momentum shuddering into slowness, she says, “I suppose a year isn't very long to you.” Relative life expectancy isn't the point (hers is centuries, easily), but relative age- that hers is centuries is still something unreal, an abstract idea she has yet to fully inhabit. She's twenty-two (sometimes going on seventeen) and a year is a landmark, still. They don't really have an anniversary, but if they did, it was two months past.

[deservesadaisy]

He looks at her, a bit more thoughtful. "It isn't," he says, finally, "but that doesn't mean it's unimportant." It had been a very eventful year, after all. "A day becomes something disposable, when you have so many, but that doesn't mean there aren't days that matter to me. That I don't remember, in particular."

Longer than he'd have expected he could, sometimes.

[rhinemaid]

“Days like which?” And she might like to hear something about herself, because that's natural and because she likes reaching out for reassurance and getting it, but she'd be equally interested in unrelated anecdotes; he has so much history and she is curious, even if she's rarely inclined to poke at him with questions. Most of the time she waits for things to unfold, but sometimes...they just don't, and he isn't someone given to volunteering his background information.

She has no idea where he's from, although given he's named Ivan and he has a friend named Daniil and he does speak very good Russian, she could make a slightly educated guess. She doesn't know if Ivan is actually his given name or one he assumed. She doesn't know if he chose what he is or if it were thrust upon him. She doesn't know a great many things, but she doesn't think that's...bad, per se, just that not knowing and not disliking it doesn't mean not being at all curious.

[deservesadaisy]

He shifts, almost reclining against the pillows and settling her against him. He seems to be sifting through, selecting what he'd like to show her.

"The first time you came to my flat, how frank and bold you were about what you wanted. I remember that night extremely well." It had been funny, and almost touching in hindsight, how it was meant to just be that he appealed to her and that she'd like to shag him if he were up for it.

"I remember the day I died," he adds, after a quiet moment. "...both days, I suppose. Vividly. Firsts, often, and lasts. Those tend to linger, if they matter." And even sometimes when they don't, in the wider scheme, at least to him. He remembers Saigon falling. He remembers being in Paris for the end of the First World War. He remembers the night he met Daisy, though that seems impolitic to say.

[rhinemaid]

She wonders if he thinks of his last day before Baedal as the day that he died again or the last day that he was married to Daisy; Ivan's wife is still a vague and abstract concept to her, and the further away they get from her, the less she's inclined to be worried or threatened by it. He's allowed (how generous of her) to have cared about other people before he knew she existed, that's all right. As long as she's most important now, and she questions that less and less.

(Not 'not at all', but- less.)

If she were older, she supposes, she might recount something of her own in return, but- she'd been a child before Prometheus, and the passage of time in captivity was blurry and painful. He knows, at least in the broad strokes, about most of the days since Prometheus, especially since increasingly he's been around for more of them than he hasn't. So instead, she says, “I was very pleased with myself.”

[deservesadaisy]

"You were, which is a mode that's quite becoming on you. I would have never guessed it would have become this, then." He probably should have, but then it had just seemed a pleasant diversion. Very pleasant.

[rhinemaid]

Ilde had had no expectation, and in retrospect doesn't see any reason why she should have - but here they are, either way, and at least as far as the two of them go, it isn't so bad, she thinks. It could be better, but it isn't bad. (In her opinion, which is not necessarily the commonly held one on this subject. It isn't anyone else's business, she thinks, unless that person is Sonja.)

“Sometimes I can't tell if you mind it.” Probably it would be easier, without her; she's nothing can be called convenient.

[deservesadaisy]

"If I minded it, I would have put an end to it," he says, after a moment, honestly. "Or, at the very least, made us both miserable by now. Every lover is a bit of trouble - I'm more than a bit, I'm certain."

Understatement, Ivan.

"Do you know, I used to make people nervous, back home, if I went any length of time without someone, though. I always wonder what they worried I'd do."

[rhinemaid]

“You concentrate on me an awful lot,” she says, speculatively, tipping his chin up a bit with her index finger, absent almost. “And you still manage to find time to be a proper prick to the rest of the world. Maybe they just didn't want to see what kind of an arsehole you can be without a distraction.”

She's a little bit proud of herself for this bit of logical reasoning.

[deservesadaisy]

He nips at her finger, lightly. "As critical as you are of me, I'd hate to see you with someone you didn't like at all." Or maybe she'd be very nice to them.

[rhinemaid]

“I make observations about you,” she corrects him, immediately, with the self-satisfied conclusion, “it isn't my fault if there aren't many flattering ones to be made.” That sounds like a personal problem, Ivan.

[deservesadaisy]

"I can't imagine you'd bother with me if I were without some uses," he pointed out. She'd named at least one, after all.

[rhinemaid]

“I do have some uses for you,” she says, laughing, leaning into him. “Some. I don't think I could find anyone else who'd serve.” Maybe she could, maybe she couldn't; the main point, and the point she's been attempting to drive home to him since Ruudary, is that she doesn't want to and she will resist any and all attempts to make her. Whether other people are doing it or he is.

He said she could keep him, so she's sinking in her nails and holding on.

[deservesadaisy]

"Spoiled thing," he observes, amused, but comfortable for her closeness. "I think it's just that we're mad in complimentary ways." Which he means a little more fondly than others who make the observation might.

[rhinemaid]

“Well, see? Where would I find someone to put up with my bullshit the way you do.” Notably, none of this is a disagreement with the 'spoiled' assessment, because at this point it's arguably a personality trait that she's not really inclined to object to anyway.

[deservesadaisy]

"Even if I could think of someone who would, it would be in my best interest not to tell you," he points out with a quiet laugh.

[rhinemaid]

“I think I can live without knowing.” After all- she's not looking.

[deservesadaisy]

He tilts her chin up to kiss her. "I'm glad you're staying." For all he's still not sure it's a good idea (actually, he's fairly sure it will somehow go hideously wrong, sooner or later), he selfishly doesn't want to give her up.

[rhinemaid]

“I told you,” she reminds him, bumping her hand against his thigh. “I told you ages ago I wasn't going anywhere.” Maybe now it's actually starting to sink in that she wasn't fucking around when she said that- it's not so strange that it might take a while, all things considered.