closed :: restless hearts and restless souls

[heardmermaids]

Who: Hermione & Sebastian
What: A friendly chat.
Where: Hermione's flat.
When: Veerdi evening.

Despite being told that he doesn't need to bring a housewarming present, Sebastian has come to visit Hermione with a gift in hand. Should she be unimpressed, he can always say that the gift -- a cat bed in the shape of a book -- is for Crookshanks and not for her. The bed tucked under his arm is probably the first thing she'll notice about him and the second being he's brought along Velcro; from the short time they roomed together at Hellsing, Hermione is probably well aware that he never goes anywhere without his service animal.

Knock, knock?

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[leviohhhhsa]

Who's th- actually, she doesn't have to ask.

She opens the door with a smile that looks more relieved than actually happy, and the first thing out of her mouth is, "You had better be alright," in tones which suggest that if he's not alright, he's going to be even worse in a few minutes.

The fact that she throws her arms around his neck for a hug while saying it might be incongruous- but it's also rather typically Hermione.

[heardmermaids]

Sebastian had been braced for something unexpected from Hermione and is relieved by the hug. He laughs quietly and returns the embrass before reassuring her, "I'm fine. Really. Still have the same number of fingers and toes that I had going in."

Which is to say he's short by two, but remains in possession of a bleak sense of humour.

[leviohhhhsa]

"You-" She pulls back to raise her eyebrows at him, lips set in a way that suggests she's holding back a smile. It's a familiar look. A did you just really look, tinged with denied amusement. "Honestly," she says, not without fondness. 'Honestly' is a good word. It covers a lot.

And right now there's a lot to be covered. She's relieved, incredibly relieved, and remarkably happy for him- but she's a worrier by nature. And frustrated, too, even angry in a difficult-to-define way, caught up in the familiar feeling of being the only sane person on Earth (or wherever). "I can't believe you at times," she continues, stepping back and waving him in- best to get an early start on the lecturing, right? "I really can't. And I did say there was no need for a gift."

[heardmermaids]

"Crookshanks didn't tell me not to bring anything and I thought I'd best appease the lord and master of your apartment where and when I can," he says with a bit of a pause, looking around for the beast in question, as he enters her flat. "Before he gets his claws into me."

"And you've a lovely place here." Velcro snuffles at the doorway a bit before turning to look at Sebastian and Hermione. May he explore? He is a Good Dog.

[leviohhhhsa]

"Thank you," Hermione says, her voice still a little stern as she closes the door behind him, taking out her wand and tapping it in a complicated pattern against it. She doesn't take chances with her security.

There's a beat and a doubtful look at Velcro. "He won't scratch you, not unless you go out of your way to provoke him, but you might be best off keeping Velcro close- he likes his own space." That's cat-lady for 'he's incredibly territorial and has claws like razors'.

[heardmermaids]

Bending down to untie his shoes, Sebastian keeps an eye on Hermione's ward pattern as he ruffles the fur on Velcro's head, "Don't worry, he's a bright dog and can take care of himself. After all, he's done a good job looking after me. He'd been trained for airport work before I got him."

For all his somewhat affable and doofy face, Velcro is a very well trained service and schutzhund dog. Undoubtedly some of the Hellsing staff think it a little odd that in his spare time, Sebastian built a training ring in the space behind the guild hall but it's good for both of them to practice.

[leviohhhhsa]

"Alright," Hermione says, giving Velcro a pat, too- she likes animals, and Velcro's sweet.

Then she straightens up and gives him a bit of a steely look. "Now. Tea?"

Which is a prelude to an interrogation of sorts. What it really means is now: questions.

[heardmermaids]

"I'd love some, thank you." Sebastian doesn't seem particularly intimidated; while he does take her and her concerns seriously, if anything, he's almost nostalgic for one of Hermione's interrogations.

[leviohhhhsa]

She would only be more annoyed to hear that, but luckily for him she's a little caught up, slipping through the living room into the kitchenette and keeping up a fluent conversation all by herself for a few moments.

"Quite frankly, I've got a ton of questions to ask you." There we go. "I've been worried, for heaven's sake." She flicks the kettle on and sticks her head back into the living room. "Don't think that I'm not delighted for you. Really. But I want to know exactly what it is I'm being delighted about."

[heardmermaids]

"That's all fair," he says looking over the room before going to stand and stare out the window. "When the war was almost at an end, we were at an impasse - neither side could really get an edge, but we know it was all over soon, one way or the other. Your alternate had found a way to give us that 'edge' by cutting out Voldemort's ability to do magic."

He keeps his back to the kitchen and Hermione while speaking, "To do something so awful, there was a corresponding price and I paid it happily."

[leviohhhhsa]

She'd known all that; he'd explained it before. Except-

-it had been her idea?

She's thankful that Sebastian's got his back to her, because she closes her eyes tightly, a surge of inexplicable guilt washing over her.

She pushes it away. Later, she can address the issues of could I and would I and what must he think of me. For now, she decides, she's got no right to make this about her when she- as she stands now- was never even there, not really.

"Alright," she says, voice even. Go on.

[heardmermaids]

"It's been years since then and I'd've been happy to stay a squib -- well, not exactly happy, but able to survive. But here? With Bellatrix?"

He shakes his head and turns to her, no longer trying to hide his expression. Co-mingled with with grief and anger, there's a touch of longing when he speaks, "It's not even about the aching, gaping hole that was left, but in this city, I need to be able to take care of myself and there was a chance I could have that. I'm not that swift, but I did my research, I weighed my options, I've sat on this for months, now can you deny I did the right thing?"

[leviohhhhsa]

The words are like knives. That's a cliche, but it's all she knows how to liken them to. She folds her arms, presses her lips together and fights to keep her eyes locked on his. She won't look away, not if it kills her, no matter how much she wants to avert her eyes.

"God only knows what could have happened to you," she says, which is predictable but from the heart. Her tone is raw but quiet. "But we're never going to see eye to eye on this, are we?" She grits her teeth. She doesn't know what to think; it changes every second, the urge to tell him not to take these risks mingling with being happy for him, being relieved that it's worked, being proud of him in a way she can't define. And then there's the gap between universes, the subtle differences between what they both know.

"You did something right and I'm glad it worked." She shakes her head, curls flying, voice getting a little louder and a little stronger. "But- oh, I can't very well say it was right or wrong or anything else when I don't know the details, can I? In fact, I probably can't call it one thing or another at all, because it's just not that simple!"

[heardmermaids]

"I did something right? Well, there's a fi --" It's an effort of will to reign in his temper and he raises his hand to signify that he spoke without thinking.

"Hermione, it wasn't a simple choice to make," he says once his voice has evened out. "I thought about it for a long time and I spoke with many different people about it; however, in the end, it was my choice and no one else's. I can see that it troubles you not to know every detail of what I did and how the rites worked, but as my friend, I need you to trust that whatever I did was not immoral and to respect the fact that my actions were deeply personal and not anything I am willing to share."

"Can you accept that?"

[leviohhhhsa]

Her eyes flash at his first attempt, the words how dare you pretend to think I think that on her tongue, or something like them, but his quick change of heart makes her reign herself in, her mouth a flat, angry line.

She doesn't want to argue. She really doesn't, however argumentative people want to call her.

And she's not going to get anywhere. It makes her feel left out and distanced from him, but she tries to be mature, tries to remember that they're not in school anymore.

"Yes," she says at length, sounding exhausted. "Yes, or we'll spend years being stubborn at each other."

[heardmermaids]

"Thank you," he sounds profoundly relieved. If she doesn't look too put out by it, he'll even cross the room to hug her. His privacy really was something the he felt it necessary to have as a condition to their friendship, but losing Hermione's faith and companionship would've hurt him badly.

"I'm sorry to have hurt you."

[leviohhhhsa]

She sighs, responding slowly, but she does respond, wrapping her arms tightly around him.

He means it and everything, doesn't he. Typical. It amuses and upsets and annoys her all at the same time, and there's no way to change him. Even if there was, she probably wouldn't do it.

"You've got all your magic back, then?" she asks rather than linger on the issue of being hurt, not quite pulling back before she poses the question.

[heardmermaids]

"No and I don't think I ever will be able to perform magic 'properly', the way I used to. I've, ah, I've explained it to others by saying it was like a stroke and I have to relearn and rebuilt new pathways to do the same old tasks." That's not an ideal comparison, but it's something that most people can understand. "I'd always had a little bit left. I could cast a patronus charm, see dementors and thestrals, and all that, but everything else was just gone."