multiversallogs | (no subject)

It was a very good point to her. Acting like that, having to do everything that he needed to do when it came to protecting Harry in Lily's memory had been him doing things for the right reasons. She didn't want him to do those things in her name. He'd told her not very long ago, that she was his redemption, and that she was his reason for wanting to be a better man.

The last thing she wanted was for him to undo his redemption, and to become a worse man for her.

When he gave her the choice of waiting, Martha watched him for a moment. She knew him very well indeed and she knew that not knowing, and not having the information would drive him mental. Clearly they needed to think of a third way to go about doing this. With her finger on her lip, Martha looked deep in thought for a moment. Was there a way to only be Severus for a moment? To not engage in everything that she might request? To not put himself into danger?

"Are you feeling any lingering effects from whatever that was?" Slipping a bit into doctor mode, because if it was effecting his health then it shortened their options considerably, Martha reached over and touch his cheek, trying to see if he had a fever.

How she wished she'd a scanner.

He was strongly tempted to jerk away irritably, but it was clear she needed to do this to come to a decision. She was going to base her choice on whether there was a lingering aftereffect; if he wasn't suffering or ill, then waiting might be an acceptable option, after all.

But how long could they continue before something else happened, and he was left not knowing and unable to seek information because of his reluctance to interact with those from his past? Escape was always an option, but how long until they managed it? Months? Years? Could he continue to lead the life of Jack Jones, undiscovered, for the rest of his life?

"No," he admitted finally, sighing the word. He wasn't in pain. He didn't feel sick. In the time it took to have their discussion, the sensation had become nothing more than a memory. "Nothing at all."

When it took him so long to say, Martha knew that if there was waiting involved, then he wasn't going to handle it very well at all. Again Martha mentally chastened the Admiral for not getting both of them out of here, for not returning them home. Bernard owed her, damn it. Two inmates should have meant two deals, and two ways for them to get home rather than being here, playing Jack Jones and dealing with all of this uncertainty.

Someone had loads of explaining to do.

Sighing, Martha removed her hand, and then she pressed it to her own face, a face palm that she'd picked up from him. Waiting indefinitely wasn't a good thing. And it would only continue to drive a wedge between them.

"Can you contact her without letting her know about everything else? Without getting involved?" Without being a death eater?

Despite her hatred of when he lied, and all of that, Martha did understand how subterfuge could be important, but she didn't want that to be his life either.

"I can make no promises to you to that end," he said softly. "I believe if any of them would keep at least my presence a secret, it would be her. I would be obliged to lie to her regarding my reasons, of course, for wishing to avoid the others. Mind you, it would hardly be surprising that I did not wish to interact with the Lestranges, but there may be others. Whatever the case, I would not be so foolish as to tell her about you, or my alias, unless I knew for certain that I could trust her."

Narcissa Malfoy owed him, after all, one Unbreakable Vow. He took her hand away from her forehead and clasped it in both of his, trying not to consider what he had lost - Mozenrath, first and foremost now - and wondering if things between them would ever again be as they were on the Barge.

"If - if - I do this, we must agree to it. There can be no doubt that it is the best course of action, that this will be the way to survive here. But you must also be aware of the risks, whatever we choose. If there is more to what happened tonight than mere mischance and I am discovered without some forewarning, there is no coming back." No Death Toll. Game over.

Martha hadn't realized, until this moment, until this circumstance, just how much she'd come to depend upon the death toll. Oh, not in the way that one would expect--she'd fought hard to save someone each time she'd been called too, and she'd never wanted to reset someone. Death had never come to be cheap for her, but by the same token, having watched him die, Martha had come to accept it as a net that would be there to catch them should they fall to accident or misfortune or to someone's slick hands. There wasn't that here, and if the Admiral wasn't honoring deals, then there was no way that she could just make a new deal to bring him back.

It scared her to death, and perhaps for the first time, she'd begun to understand why he'd been so perpetually frightened of losing her like that.

"Forewarned is forearmed," Martha admitted, and then she nodded a bit. "Sev, if I lost you..." She started to speak, and then she moved to her toes and kissed him as if that could some how chase the thought of that away.

"You won't," he replied in as dismissive a tone as he could muster. Better to have it seem like an incredibly remote possibility, unworthy of consideration, than to reassure her adamantly about it. Better, in that he didn't have to think about it, or the fact that this was the closest he had come to lying to her since before they were married. This wasn't the Barge, and she could very well lose him.

There was, too, a note of genuine dismissal about it. 'If I lost you' seemed like something only he would consider about her. She was young and would move on. His mind helpfully supplied the rest: 'If I lost you, I would be extremely unhappy for a socially acceptable amount of time, and then find someone new.'

"Tell me what you wish to do."

She didn't like that tone of dismissal at all, and it made her frown and her brow knit together. Martha needed to bite her lip in order from fighting with him on it, because that wasn't the point, and she was trying to avoid fighting with him. At the moment, she was reminded of the time when Sirius had come aboard. They'd just barely gotten past that before all of this started again.

And if he told her what he was actually thinking, then it would definitely be a huge fight. She would be completely devastated if she'd lost him in anyway. Just being those two weeks without the memories and missing him without knowing it had been bad enough.

Taking a deep breath, Martha didn't know what to say for a moment. "I want what's going to be safest for you in the long run. If they discover you're here, or if Lovegood decides to sell you out for something, then you should know who and what you're dealing with. We should know. It doesn't mean I like it, but I think you're right about Narcissa."

With a searching look, he studied her with a clenched jaw. He didn't want to return to that life, and he certainly didn't want to drag her into it with him. But then again, he didn't want to be here at all. All of that given the consideration it was due, it was entirely beside the point. This wasn't about what he wanted, but about what needed to be done to protect her.

"I'll wait three or four days before contacting her to give the appearance that I've been making inquiries after this incident - attempting to find whoever may have activated it, you understand. You'll have time to change your mind."

Plans within plans. His mind was already on his next move - contacting the few people he knew and asking them to pass along the rumour that he was looking for Narcissa. It wouldn't do to have her think that he had been hiding from her. No, his best option was to suggest he had only just arrived, had been unaware that there were others until the Mark burned.

Edited 2011-11-15 20:15 (UTC)

"There may be other ways to find things out as well. I mean, from what it sounds like Hellsing has all sorts of magical expertise, and perhaps they know what's going on so you don't even need to get involved with it." But she didn't know how likely it was to be. Martha Jones had a bit of clout when it'd come to UNIT and Torchwood, and she'd gotten a bit use to not having to ask people for things like clearance, especially after two years of running her own infirmary. But it was an option for another answer, even if it didn't solve all of the questions.

"I know that it doesn't stop Lovegood from selling you out, but if you can go with something that you're not so indebted to them it may help a bit." For a moment, Martha was reminded of the year that wasn't and how things were misdirection.

Taking a deep breath, Martha just sighed and wrapped her arms around him, holding onto him very tightly for a moment. "I hope she's from after and knows."