Their relationship will never be free from road bumps or crazy happenings, their own doing or from external sources; the bright spot about this is that Remy is telling her at all and, what's more, was planning on doing so. (He wanted to tell Rogue about the Marauders, once. He'd tried to get her to touch him for it. Wanda'd had to get it out of his head by accident. Haphazard and broken as he is still, this is progress.)
"Something from Apocalypse is inside me still."
There is no easy or gentle way to say that. No way to cushion it without horror or dread; it's terrible. Flat out.
"When I was a kid," because there's context, and it's unpleasant context - that Wanda knows some of, in part, "Sinister did something to my brain to keep me from accessing the full spectrum of my mutation. Once he told me it was a block. Another time he told me he removed a part of my brain. I've never know for sure what he did. When I was workin' for New Sun, he overloaded me with energy that wasn't really mine, and ultimately, I burned it out of me. Now - Sinister fucked with my head when he was bringin' me back from being the Horseman. I thought he'd removed the block to make sure I had to come back to him, somethin' like that, but I'm older'n wiser, now, an' I had all that experience with New Sun..."
Remy trails off a bit, and runs one hand over his hair, faintly stressed by relating all this - it just feels unnatural, being so open with his business, even if he wants to be. Patterns of behavior over intent; he recognizes it for what it is, at least.
"I can control it. It was shaky at first but I've been doin' fine. I thought it was worse than it was, because this... stuff kept happening. I couldn't explain it, I couldn't remember. I wasn't sure what it was but I didn't want to worry anybody."
(Oh, Remy.)
He's quiet for a bit, sitting forward, elbows on his knees, hands laced, looking for a moment like he'd rather be up and pacing. When he speaks again it seems like a topic jump at first, inexplicable - but it's not.
"The last time I was in Utopia on my own - right as Summers was kickin' my ass out - the lot of 'em found out Illyana had been sent back to Limbo in a freak accident defendin' that girl Hope. Cyclops wouldn't let nobody go after her. He forbade it, 'cross the board. Everybody of any strategic value had to stay, he said. She weren't no priority, no matter how much Pete yelled."
Remy's voice is quiet; there's something under it, like bitterness, or maybe just the inevitable sort of exhaustion that comes from dealing with Scott Summers and the paramilitary bleakness of what the X-Men have become. Even Xavier these days... they've all given up. Rolled over for the new dawn of Frost and Summers, Leaders of Utopia.
"Finally he let Sam Guthrie - Cannonball - take a team and go, but he had to pick from people who weren't required on the front lines. Which meant folks who he thought were expendable, or the students. Kids, Wanda. Kids and people who have no business goin' to hell - and he was forcing them into Limbo, or sacrifice Magik.
Cannonball, Dazzler, an' Northstar, with Trance, Pixie, and Anole. I went. Kids, a speedster - Alison's an entertainer, not a soldier, and Guthrie's got no business leadin' nobody nowhere. He's a good kid but he's not hard enough for that. I knew it was gonna be a disaster. I could leave Utopia and I could leave Rogue but I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I'd walked out knowin' they were heading off to Limbo like that."
no subject
"Something from Apocalypse is inside me still."
There is no easy or gentle way to say that. No way to cushion it without horror or dread; it's terrible. Flat out.
"When I was a kid," because there's context, and it's unpleasant context - that Wanda knows some of, in part, "Sinister did something to my brain to keep me from accessing the full spectrum of my mutation. Once he told me it was a block. Another time he told me he removed a part of my brain. I've never know for sure what he did. When I was workin' for New Sun, he overloaded me with energy that wasn't really mine, and ultimately, I burned it out of me. Now - Sinister fucked with my head when he was bringin' me back from being the Horseman. I thought he'd removed the block to make sure I had to come back to him, somethin' like that, but I'm older'n wiser, now, an' I had all that experience with New Sun..."
Remy trails off a bit, and runs one hand over his hair, faintly stressed by relating all this - it just feels unnatural, being so open with his business, even if he wants to be. Patterns of behavior over intent; he recognizes it for what it is, at least.
"I can control it. It was shaky at first but I've been doin' fine. I thought it was worse than it was, because this... stuff kept happening. I couldn't explain it, I couldn't remember. I wasn't sure what it was but I didn't want to worry anybody."
(Oh, Remy.)
He's quiet for a bit, sitting forward, elbows on his knees, hands laced, looking for a moment like he'd rather be up and pacing. When he speaks again it seems like a topic jump at first, inexplicable - but it's not.
"The last time I was in Utopia on my own - right as Summers was kickin' my ass out - the lot of 'em found out Illyana had been sent back to Limbo in a freak accident defendin' that girl Hope. Cyclops wouldn't let nobody go after her. He forbade it, 'cross the board. Everybody of any strategic value had to stay, he said. She weren't no priority, no matter how much Pete yelled."
Remy's voice is quiet; there's something under it, like bitterness, or maybe just the inevitable sort of exhaustion that comes from dealing with Scott Summers and the paramilitary bleakness of what the X-Men have become. Even Xavier these days... they've all given up. Rolled over for the new dawn of Frost and Summers, Leaders of Utopia.
"Finally he let Sam Guthrie - Cannonball - take a team and go, but he had to pick from people who weren't required on the front lines. Which meant folks who he thought were expendable, or the students. Kids, Wanda. Kids and people who have no business goin' to hell - and he was forcing them into Limbo, or sacrifice Magik.
Cannonball, Dazzler, an' Northstar, with Trance, Pixie, and Anole. I went. Kids, a speedster - Alison's an entertainer, not a soldier, and Guthrie's got no business leadin' nobody nowhere. He's a good kid but he's not hard enough for that. I knew it was gonna be a disaster. I could leave Utopia and I could leave Rogue but I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I'd walked out knowin' they were heading off to Limbo like that."