multiversallogs | i wrote this song while i was drunk

Entry tags:

i wrote this song while i was drunk

Who: Jae and you.
What: Sorting his head out, getting back to work.
Where: Various places around town, including bar hopping and slice of life activities in Creekside, at work at the Vault, Anarchy 99, and the radio station, and at a temple in Brock Marsh.
When: Over the next week.
Notes: Would you like to bump into Jae somewhere? Note the location/vague timeline in your tag and it shall be so.
Warnings: Unpleasant thoughts about rape culture, drug use.

In the aftermath of attempting to help Megan and his encounter with Hilmi, Jae has a difficult time processing the series of events as things that happened to him - because things haven't happened to him. Things happened to Megan. Sure, if you hit a vanity with a sledgehammer, it's not just the glass that's cracked, but he's still not the fucking mirror; Jae's reeling from the turbulence. So is everyone else who knows (well, maybe not Sonja) and everyone else who will know - and more people will react to what Jae did, and so on, and so on, like ripples, because every time anyone does something violent or cruel, the whole of their world feels it. Society didn't become soulless overnight. It took a hundred million weeks like these and now, even when people feel the backlash, they don't seem realize it.

It's normal.

(It's horrible.)

Jae buys a couple of tabs at the Vault before his shift and rolls all the way through it. If there's one thing he appreciates about Baedal, it's that so much more is perfectly legal (or at least, perfectly unregulated), and the ecstasy (or space ecstasy) he can get is pure, none of this shit cut with coke or speed like he had to worry about back at home. It's a good night for everybody, which is fortunate; it's always good when he works whether or not he uses any enchantments, but this week, he's not even letting his subconscious do anything - he feels like there's a great gaping wound somewhere intangible inside him, and the stitches keep splitting. He just doesn't want to bleed anymore.

While he's been made one of the floor staff family with ease at the Vault, his experiences at Anarchy 99 have been more - well. It caters to dwarven metal. Still, there's a fair amount of enthusiasm for his style ("Just put some more INXS on it"), and when one of the waitresses asks him what happened that one night with Hilmi (because he hasn't come back), he just shrugs. Jae isn't sure if he should be feel fortunate that she's the only one who noticed they walked out back together, but while some of the girls liked Hilmi, some of them really didn't, and she decides to interpret that shrug as him having done everybody a favor. The notion of it makes him uneasy - but it's not like he can correct her and not lie, so he just stays quiet, and thinks about the same thing he thought about that night. That if somebody comes to arrest him, he'll just go. The notion of being locked up is like a suffocating nightmare at the end of a long and dark hallway on his head, but what's even more terrifying is the idea of becoming the kind of person who wouldn't take responsibility for doing something awful. (He'll ask Ilde for Sonja's number, he decides. He'd rather apologize to her than the police, and he knows enough about the military to know speaking to someone's commanding officer is as good as.)

Too much liquor, long nights, and investing in a pill cutter; Jae almost feels human again, losing himself in work. The radio station is a hilarious disaster, but he likes his boss, as much of a lunatic as she is. That he's at the bottom of the ladder again makes him feel like even more a child, stumbling over himself and his magic and his emotions as he is in this strange place. But there, it's not as bad. He hits the bar across the way from his flat in Creekside, he buys groceries and a new pair of sunglasses, and then he comes home ("home") and lays on the floor and stares up at the ceiling and pretends his head spins because he's been drinking too much.

He doesn't sleep for two nights, and then spends the third up and reading the book that appeared in the arrival room with him. It's the first time he touched it since he shoved it in the back of his closet when he moved in. The next evening, he goes to one of Shada's temples in Brock Marsh, and doesn't do anything beside sit quietly in the back.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The immediacy of Steph's acceptance and her lack of irritation makes Jae feel better; she seems like a genuinely nice person, and he's not getting any secretly an evil sociopath fae monster vibes off her. It's good.

"Her show's great," he agrees. "When she's back up to speed, you should definitely come see her." There's a dessert cherry jammed onto the end of the useless stirrer straw in Jae's drink, by now soaked through pleasantly with liquor - he eats it and sips the rest of the mix, ice clinking around pleasantly. "I've been trying to drop by often enough to make sure her cat gets fed and she hasn't fallen off the face of the earth," he continues. "She can be a little spacey."

"I'd like to. Clubs like that aren't usually my scene, but Megan made it sound like a lot of fun," Steph is... fairly vanilla, but not easily embarrassed, so while she wouldn't go to the Vault usually, she won't be uncomfortable there either.

Watching Jae eat the cherry reminds her of her own drink and she takes a sip, nodding in agreement at the spacey comment, but her voice doesn't hold any judgement, "That doesn't surprise me. Do you think she'd be up to company? I'm good at playing mom."

It's said with a smile, even though it's kind of depressing that she had to be the parent in her household.

Jae doesn't engage at anything at the Vault (both because he's an employee and it would be unprofessional, and because his privacy issues are so tweaked being here they're off the fucking chart and there's no way he's hooking up with anyone just yet), but he can appreciate the aesthetic and allure of it even without participating as a client. Art and entertainment comes in all forms. It's nice to see people enjoying themselves, too.

And then-

Well. Maybe it's disingenuous of him, to enable Steph to go see Megan under obscured pretenses, but some part of him is relieved that the blonde-haired girl volunteered. (And on her own, at that.) "I think so," he says, sounding thoughtful. "She might appreciate somebody poking their head in besides me - I'm probably getting weird by now."

It's a longshot, but maybe Megan could use a girlfriend.

"Are you the big sister?" At home, presumably.

"Sounds like a plan, then. I'll go grocery shopping and pick her up some comfort food," She doesn't even hesitate over the idea of spending her money to look after someone else; she's only tight with funds when it's something for herself. And she gives Jae a small smile at the self-deprecating comment, "I'm sure she appreciates you looking after her."

This time it's Steph buying herself time by taking a drink, although an easy lie comes to her, "My mom was sick a lot when I was younger, and dad was hardly around, so I had to look after her."

AKA her mom was a drug addict and her dad was in and out of prison, but that's not the sort of thing she tells new acquintances.

With a cavalier sense of accepting his destiny regardless of turnout, Jae hopes that Megan doesn't feel further infringed on by this. Illness or emotional malaise thanks to Baedal itself isn't uncommon, and that she's been off her game isn't a secret; he thinks she's probably back out and about a bit by now, just avoiding anyone she actually knows. Maybe Steph will be able to pin her down a little.

... He hopes Steph isn't overwhelmed by anything, either. She really does seem nice.

The look Jae gives her is appreciative, but he doesn't comment further on Megan. He feels weird continuing to talk about her, even if it's innocent. Instead: "That's too bad about your mom." Sympathetic - he doesn't have any understanding, for neither lie nor reality, but Jae's just one of those people who cares about everybody pretty much by default.

"Thanks, she's much better these days," There's no doubting that's the truth, if the way Steph smiles is anything to judge by. Crystal had gotten clean and her and Steph have a much better relationship.

She finally finishes her drink and looks consderingly between the empty glass and whatever it is Jae is drinking, "Any recommendations for round two?"

Even though she solved the mystery of why Megan hadn't answered her messages, Steph isn't gonna just up and leave. She's enjoying talking to Jae.

"I'm glad." And he is, too. Everybody's moms should be fine. (He doesn't let himself think about his.)

And, ah, what an inquiry. Jae gives their glasses a considering look, deliberately humorous in the dramatics. "That depends on your goals for round two, and what kind of liquor you usually like." Judging by her wine, he doesn't expect her to want to suddenly switch to knocking back Jager shots.

"The goal isn't inebriation, and my experience with liquor was usually tequila shots and red cups full of cheap beer, until I gave that up, so my tastes aren't exactly cultured," Her smile is wry, being a teenager in Gotham is the same as being a teenager anywhere.

He grins, because yeah, that sounds familiar. (At least in part - he passed for too old for his own good, in Seoul, and became very adept very quickly at the wide world of controlled substances. Whether that's a good thing...)

"Tequila and beer is actually not bad, as far as culture goes," he says. "The real old school regional specialties everywhere are all just moonshine that'll make you go blind."

That said, he orders Steph a champagne cocktail (unless she objects), and puts that and another round for him on his own tab.

"I do remember one party where someone brought moonshine. No one went blind, but everyone who'd tried it ended up getting arrested 'cause they were too drunk to bail when the cops showed up," And this is why Steph doesn't keep in contact with her old school friends.

She will not object, though she will give Jae a look that clearly says 'you didn't have to' when he puts it on his tab.

"That sounds about par for the course."

Oh, high school.

Jae just smiles a bit and gestures - it's fine. He's not rolling in cash or anything, but he's got manners, so if he's recommending a drink he's going to pay for it. "Cheers," he says when their glasses get set down, and he raises his own.

"When I first started working clubs, I had to get good at drinking everything anyone bought me - because you can't be rude - and being able to work still. So the ongoing bad decision theater of being fifteen paid off, a little."

"Cheers," she raises her glass to lightly clink it against his, then takes a sip, smiling, "It's good." She ohly looks a little surprised, she'd trusted Jae to get her something decent.

"At least it was good for something, my own adventures just left me with a lot of fuzzy memories and bad grades," and a daughter, but that's neither here nor there, "I'm impressed you can manage to drink and work. I probably couldn't manage it, even though sometimes I wish I could sneak a bottle of vodka into the library, just to liven things up."

It's not exactly excitement central at either Gotham U or TMU library.

"It's a careful art, but I don't recommend it for everybody." In truth, it takes a lot to get Jae drunk to the point of dysfunction, which is parts fortunate genetics and parts over-saturated experience.

"Is the library here really that boring? I'd think there'd be some crazy shit in there, in a city like this."

"I definitely wouldn't recommend it for anyone operating heavy machinery. Or people who do open heart surgery." Says the girl with a mom who used to go to work at the hospital drugged out of her mind.

"I've only had to break up one fight, most people are too scared of the other employees to start anything," Martel is nice enough, but some of the higher ups are kind of scary, "The gossip's good though, I think I learned more about the city through eavesdropping than through any official channels."

"Or anyone who pukes easy, really. For a while I was looking forward to getting too old for anyone to send me drinks, but my agent's twice my age and ten times worse than I am."

He makes a face slightly when he realizes he's said my agent - fuck only knows if Kevin is.. moving through time, or whatever, wondering where Jae went. He's certainly not his manager here, maybe not at home anymore, either. Man, he actually misses that psychotic bastard. How depressing.

"Fights in a library. That's intense." He sips his drink. "Like, stuff about all the weird urban legends, or whatever?"

The fog makes Jae uncomfortable - like some kind of metaphysical alarm, itching somewhere in the back of his head.

Edited (words are hard) 2012-01-22 09:16 (UTC)

"That too," she wrinkles her nose, thinking about not very fun experiences with teenage kids who can't hold their liquor, "Maybe if you get old and ugly people will stop buying you drinks."

"I'm fairly sure it wasn't about a book, just student drama. And yeah, urban legends, stories about people going missing, students bragging about having gone into the fog."

She takes it all with a grain of salt, but even the lies reveal bits and pieces of information about Baedal and it's inhabitants.

"What a tradeoff," he laughs. (Not that he thinks he's super hot now, or anything, but still.)

"I can't imagine what it's like, growing up here. Knowing that half the population has seen other worlds, and they're confined to this one city. I guess it makes sense that people are fascinated by going out there."

She's silent for a moment, contemplating what Jae said as she sips her drink.

"I never thought about it like that..." She really hadn't, she'd thought about how being a second or third generation citizen might make people more complacent because they're used to the city, but, "I wonder if that's more or less frustrating than having come from another world and not being able to return."

"I've talked to a couple people about it," he muses. "One of my co-workers at the radio station was born here, but her husband wasn't. She says it really depends - a lot of people adapt to life here and like it better, some people are never happy. And there's that stigma, being new, like - there are places that won't hire anybody off a new cohort, you know? There's a real divide the more you start talking to people, but we're so separated from everything by virtue of not being integrated yet, it's hard to see."

Culture and society are fascinating to Jae. On top of it, he loathes being trapped. It's been a subject he's looked into, in his own way.

"I can't imagine ever settling down, but I've talked to some of the people in our cohort and some of them come from worlds that sound awful. I think I can understand it in those cases, being able to make a life here," Gotham may not be the best place, but Steph's happy there. The only way she could imagine giving up on going home is if all her friends where here too.

"I've noticed a bit of the division between people from different generations. I think a little of it might be distrust? New people are more likely to be openly unhappy." She doesn't say exactly why that's a bad thing, she figures Jae will know it's because people who are openly unhappy draw the wrong sort of attention.

Something about that remark - about awful worlds - makes Jae look like he's thinking about something else (something that quiets him). But he doesn't comment on it; his look is understanding. He's heard some sheer horror stories, too.

"I'm on the fence about seeing both sides, I think." In this, he is inescapably biased. He can't be happy being abducted, and he knows - viscerally and personally - that he could never be happy even if he was a native, because he'd be unable to carry on being happy while knowing his ancestors were ripped form their homes. Being the child of conscripted Koreans in Japan, he doesn't have to imagine what that feels like. That's already his life in the real world, multidimensional abductions and magic aside.

"I can't get on board with being happy with being taken, but..." he shrugs his shoulders, helpless versus dismissive. "If you have nowhere else to go, It's not like this place can't be beautiful."

Edited (okay i'm just getting nonsensical now) 2012-01-22 11:17 (UTC)

It doesn't surprise her that Jae makes no comment, most people don't want to talk about that sort of thing, regardless of what their own world is like.

"I get it," she says it with a wry, understanding smile, but her expression grows more serious after a moment, "Though I don't know if I could ever find it beautiful. My home city wasn't one of the best, but at least the corruption didn't run as deep."

Baedal feels like it's built on corruption and it's not something Steph could ever forget about.

To him it's both personal and unfair of him to speak of; Ilde's world (and it will always be Ilde's world that he thinks about) is a mirror of his own. Did he survive there? Is he some cold monster now, part of an army? Did his family survive? Will the apocalypse come for them in their own timeline, someday?

"I don't mean bureaucracy," he points out. "I mean.. that people who live here and have to make due. There are still art galleries, and concerts, and restaurants, and charity events and schools. There's something like two and a half million people here."

Not all of them are corrupt, not all of them are complacent. For many people, refusing to lower the quality of life for themselves and their peers is just as good as fighting back.

"I can't..." She makes a vague hand gesture as she searches for the right words, "I can't see past the bureaucracy. I can appreciate what people have done with their lives here, I find the city fascinating and I can even have fun. But I don't think I'll ever be able to find it beautiful."

Gotham can be beautiful and she suddenly misses it fiercely; its the first time she's missed the city itself, not just the people in it and the sense of home it represents.

"It's understandable."

It's normal, too. People judge whole countries and regions by governments or other varied stereotypes all the time. Jae doesn't like it, but he's resigned himself to it. That's just how people are, and sometimes he feels like if he held the mindset against people, he'd never have a single friend. He doesn't like being here and doesn't think people should be content with it, but he won't resent or ignore the efforts of people who've made the best of it. (He remembers trying to explain it to his sister, years ago - that he'll never stop being hurt by the way they were treated in Japan, but he'll always have a certain kind of love for Osaka. She didn't understand, but then, she was too little to remember it there.)

"Still, you should check out an art gallery sometime. Maybe one of the southside ones, out in the hippie communes. No politics, there."

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