In a way, she's sorry she had to do that, but it communicates what's happening better than she could out loud. Some things must be shown. This memory will be retained later on, and if she chooses, maybe she'll someone else, but maybe--

Maybe it's better if no one else ever sees the truth. The self-made object of lust persona is one she actually needs, it makes her feel grounded, as close to mortality as she'll ever come, and she wants so much to know that mortality. Most people desire power. Hasi desires to limit hers, to know what it's like to struggle that way. She feels, rather than sees, Ilde's withdrawing, and closes her eyes again.