Steph is lost for words, because she can hear what Kaet isn't saying and it means so much in ways she can't articulate.

"When I thought he was dead, it was such a relief," not at first, because at first she'd been so angry and confused, but the relief eventually settled in, "I wish he really had been dead. Or I wish he'd never come back to Gotham."

She wishes he hadn't come back to her city and killed people just to get her attention.