It's not a question she wants to answer, mostly because it's not something she wants to think about in any kind of detail. It takes her a while, not looking at Cindy, reliving those moments in horrific detail in her mind; she can't stop remembering the other faqra witch.

"My soul would've been consumed. There isn't any coming back from that. I would've been used to further Lucas' endgame. I was kidnapped from the battle for the specific purpose and held prisoner with Kelly; I'm not preferred prey but it would've hurt Sonja. It was supposed to hurt Sonja. I was a footnote, but it would've been satisfaction on her. He was in a hurry, though. Sonja could've stopped him, maybe, but we couldn't. We couldn't even stop the things holding us. He didn't have time to fuck around because she would've come. But she wouldn't be able to come quick enough."

Her voice is empty; it hurts, to be forced through this, and while the examination of it assures her that she's right, the painful part is the doubt, the judgement, the fact that she has to sit here justifying her own death to somebody else. After a few moments of silence, Angus spills out of her lap and Ilde bolts to the bathroom to throw up.