"I should have known better." It sounds stupid, even saying it -- there are things she knows objectively aren't true, that she had no way of knowing that this would happen. Who could possibly predict this? It's not really about thoughts so much as feelings -- she feels like she did something wrong, that if she had just followed the Rules, it wouldn't have happened.

The problem is that the game is rigged. They don't tell you what the Rules are, and by the time you've got most of them figured out, you realise you can't follow all of them all the time, anyway.

"It's fine, I'm dealing with it." Yes... 'dealing with it'. Clearly she's doing a super good job of that, what with the abundance of alcohol in her flat and the drugs she can't stop doing.