"Yes — No — I have to —" Finish getting ready, have his makeup redone because he ruined it by crying because he's horrible and is ruining everything and now he's making people have to redo their work which is taking more time and —

— he digs his fingernails into his arm (is that going to chip the nail polish, he thinks irrationally, will that make it worse) and wills himself to stop stop stop stop stop. He feels stupid, childish, dipping his head between his knees. It helps keep him from feeling like he's going to throw up.